Contemporary Parenting

Parenting in the Technological Age

As a parent of 2 girls, ages 13 and (almost) 12, I struggle with the fact that my daughters know more about technology than I do.  I am part of the first generation of parents who are guiding children through situations for which we have no frame of reference.  

Yes, every generation presents with new parenting challenges for adults. However, let's be honest... sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll have always been around.  The internet, social media, and texting have brought parenting to a whole new level of intensity.  Sadly, many of us are not as knowledgeable as we "should" be, and certainly most of us are less knowledgeable than our kids! 

The internet allows us to access information that we never imagined would be available to us.  However, with that freedom comes responsibility.  Our young people are able to access the world from a computer, tablet, or phone.  We are no longer readily able to "screen" the people with whom they interact.

Yet, I see parents who also use technology as a "crutch."  There is no need to meet your child's friends and their parents, as you can simply do an online background check on anyone. Parents utilize "tracking" systems on their kids' phones as a way to monitor where they are.

Although technology offers convenience and enhancement, I worry that it is becoming so powerful that it could replace traditional parenting techniques, such as asking the Who, What, Where, When, Why and How? questions before young people go out.  These same questions need to be applied to internet connections and "friendships."

I am also concerned about the implications for communication between family members and friends.  Kids can access just about any information on the internet. (Truth be told, there is certainly some convenience when it comes to researching for school projects!) Asking their parents (or other adults) difficult questions is something that can essentially be avoided.  I think this is a missed opportunity to "connect" with our kids. They can also receive information that is not aligned with what we would want them to know. There are social implications as well. Our young people are eager to "Face Time" their friends, without actually having "face time!" The ritual of "hanging out" with friends has become theoretical.  Even when they are together, young people are often more focused on their phones than on their company.

There are also potential long-term ramifications for kids who may "post" questionable or inappropriate content.  Kids do not necessarily have the cognitive capacity to understand how something that they "share" as an adolescent could potentially impact their options for college or careers. Stories of cyber-bullying are rampant.  Although "bullying" is not a new concept, the idea that children are unable to "escape" their tormentors is.  

Parents often feel powerless in managing their children's exposure to technology.  I think it is beneficial to lead by example.  Meals should be "technology free" for everyone (Yes, for you too...even if you are expecting that important work call!)  Utilizing stories of internet "incidents" can be an opportunity to begin conversations about safe and responsible internet use.

Utilizing parental control software and knowing your child's passwords are also helpful tools in maintaining safety.  However, please know that kids are well aware of ways to "outsmart the system!"  Kids will have "alternate" social media profiles that they access when they are with friends (Yup, the friends who have parents who are not monitoring their kid's internet use!)

Technology is obviously not going "away."  However, like many things, it has its time and place. The key is to let technology enhance, not replace, your relationship with your kids.

Certainly, the impact of technology on parenting is an on-going conversation. 



p.s. YES! my 13-year-old helped with setting up this blog!