Getting a cancer diagnosis is a scary thing. Most people feel understandably intimidated by the medical community, especially when they are feeling so vulnerable.
There were CT scans, blood work, PET scans, appointments with oncologists, surgeons, and pulmonary specialists. It was a complex situation, and there were no clear answers.
So, after thought and deliberation, she decided to forgo treatment. I remember the heartfelt conversations that we had, regarding her decision, and specifically, her fears. Most of all, she wanted to be sure that our girls would always remember her.
The trouble entered when she shared her decision with "outsiders." I was appalled by the comments and challenges that people made to her. "How dare you give up! Seriously, you are going to quit just like that?!"
It only got more interesting when people added the "guilt" factor. "How could you do that to your family? They just lost their father/grandfather?"
This lack of support, from just a few people, set her into a cycle of questioning what was best for the REST of us, and not what was best for HER.
I realized that the topic of death and dying is a "trigger" for many people. Their responses and reactions are based in their own insecurities and fears. When someone shares a decision regarding their health, particularly in such a dire situation, they need to feel validated. Yet, many people panic at the thought of a intentional decision regarding the end of life.
I did my best to assure her that we would all miss her, but that we would be ok. We had the life lessons she had shared with us, and more memories than we could ever fully recount. She moved forward with her initial decision. Her illness was brief, but intense. It was a mother-daughter (in-law) bonding experience that cannot be described. I'm glad we had the opportunity to say all that we needed to say. We embraced the chance to say this, not that...
