The family barometer is quite often a child... quite often a "difficult" child. That is usually how I come to meet them. They are the defiant kids, pushing every limit. They are the withdrawn kids, hesitant to engage. Either way, they are the kids that get pulled into therapy, with exasperated parents pleading for me to "fix" this.
The barometer is typically someone who is sensitive, and in tune with the rhythm of the family. While they inadvertently contribute to the stress in the family, they are simply reacting to the tension that is already there.
It can be a relief for the "problem child" to hear positive feedback about his or her behavior. I often praise them for bringing the tension in the home to the forefront, where it can finally be addressed. Parents typically feel a sense of relief as well, as they shift their focus to the overall functioning of the family system, and the well-being of each family member.
When families are experiencing transition or stress, someone will undoubtedly react to the change. Even positive changes, such as the birth of a child or moving to a new home, can result in acting-out behavior. Most often, it is a temporary situation, and things shift back to "normal." However, when the stress is chronic, the reaction becomes chronic as well.
Acknowledging the "benefit" of the problematic behavior does not immediately "resolve" it, but that re-frame is a great starting point!
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